Am I not pretty enough?

I love my bestie. We've been besties since pre-k. We know everything about eachother and we have eachother's backs. But, I'm tired of people telling me how pretty she is, or hearing people tell her how pretty she is. It bugs me. Yeah, I'm not hot and skinny, but I'm not ugly. I wish someone would tell me I was pretty or even better, beautiful. I know its wrong to be jealous about that, but I hate it. She's had like 13 boyfriends and I've had like 5. Shes always been the skinny pretty one, and I've always been the chubby funny one. I always hear, She is so pretty. I hear, Nikita you are so funny. Yeah I get compliments on my hair alot cause its so rad, and I dye it crazy colors to stand out. Also right now I like this guy, and i tell her how cool he is and funny things he has said. She just met him Monday and now she is all like he is so cute, I hope he asks me out. She doesnt even know him that well. Funny thing is, I LIKE HIM. But nope, she is gonna get her way. She asked me to ask him if he likes her. Of course he said yes because she is pretty. grrr.
I just wish I could hear someone say,"Nikita? Nikita Bimson? She is so pretty."



xoxo

Nikita

Is single always good?

I love being single. Honestly I do. But, sometimes I feel left out of things. Especially at dances. I see everyone dancing with someone, but then there is me left. Nikita, Party of one. Its weird. It feels like a dream where I show up to school in just my bra and underwear. Wait, thats a bad example. XD. It feels like all of a sudden the light is off. And no one cares. Its a bad feeling, but I get over it. Its very rare that I have a boyfriend.
I'm not ugly (well, not anymore much.). I think its just that I'm seen more as a friend, and because I can be such a hyper spaz. lol. So, I'm use to being a 3rd wheel. I've been one most of my life. Ha, who needs love.

Peace and Chicken Grease

Nikita <3

The Best Late Valentine's day present ever!!!

This whole week I was in Pennsylvania and the Great Wolf Lodge had no computer and I just got home so now I am on the computer!
I was so lost. Then I read Mitchel Musso's blog and he wrote a list of girls who is his valentine.
ANNNNNDDDD!!! MY NAME WAS ON THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HHOORRRAAAYYYYYY! The hottest guy ever is my valentine. I feel loved.
=]

Love is scary

Gosh. I am so confused. I'm probably gonna break up w/ the most sweetest guy ever. But I know he doesnt deserve me, I dont deserve him.
Especially the way I've been acting. Thank goodness no one reads them since I'm a nobody. I like Glen, but Carolyn likes him. What if it ends up being a Johnny thing or an erin, carolyn, and bobby thing. This sux so much. Glen flirts w/ me like he likes me, but idk. Who can tell w/ guys these days. Glen is so cute, and I get to see him everyday. Willie I barely see, but I love him so much. I think its just time to let go the love. I'm so afraid that I'm gonna break his heart. Sarah wants me to do it face to face. This is gonna be hard. I'm gonna end up crying when I see him Sunday. But I have to get through this. I cant keep him on the string and pulling him. I need to end it. =/ =[

i've written 2 new songs

But I dont know if I should post them. I dont think they are good enough.


=/

I've finally realized.....

When my mother died I felt like a very great person was lost. But now that I'm growing up, I have a realized some flaws of my mother. I'm not saying she wasn't great. But there are some flaws in her parenting.

-I recall one time her calling me fat. I was really mad.

-When she was seeing Robert she acted like he was the only one important. Or that he was so wonderful, which he wasn't as I came to understand as I have been getting older.

-I think she was bulemic.

-She knew she had heart and lung problems, but yet she still smoked.

-I think she knew she was dying.

-She would get mad over the stupidest stuff.

-She trusted too many people and look what happen.

-She would say stuff at the wrong time. Or be too loud. (which is probably where I get it from)

Minus those flaws there was some things that were great.

-She loved

-She was artistic

-She smelled nice

-She believed I would be famous one day. And she enjoyed me singing.

-I miss her hugs.

-Most of all I miss her being here. =/

I might even be a rockstar! =]

I loved my dream last night. I was famous. And my album sold over a billions dollars. Thus, I was on stage looking out to the crowd. People screaming my name. I felt the nervousness, the excitement, the adrenaline I needed. The music starts and I'm singing and my fans are singing along. I felt good, like I was wanted. I moved like I never had before. A bright light shone in my eye. The spotlight...I soaked it in and breathed out success. But I woke up............


It was all just a dream sadly.