And Romeo fell in love with Juliet.

oh gosh. I never thought love at first sight ever existed. But last Thursday I was a believer.

I was sitting in 7th period,Spanish 2, when this dude walked in. A new student, from New Hampshire. When he walked in the room I felt a connection. And he looked at me and my heart was beating like it was about to jump out of my chest.

Later, towards the end of class, I asked him why he moved to this boring place. "My dad is retiring from the military," he said. At least I know he wont be moving anytime soon.

For the past 3 days I asked him about him. I know he's a junior. And he has a Fender Strat named Betsy. What a coincidence my fenders name is a girl name too. lol.
He's talkative, which I like. And he is so nice. And of course cute.

I use to say I don't get butterflies in my stomach anymore, I get bats. But the moment he looked at me...I felt the butterflies again.

Tonight was amazing

Our performance was awesome. We got our cues right and we were louder. lol.

Everyone said I was adorable. Cause I am. lol

I'm wearing a black dress to a white wedding.

-Well, October is over. I made it through another month. Even though No one reads my blogs(except one dude did) I'm gonna talk about what has happened.

-I'm being more open about my mom. I don't care if people ask me how she died or what she was like or how I feel. I don't care anymore. People shouldn't be scared to ask me. They are worried I'm gonna cry. But like I tell everybody, I don't cry. I despise crying. It's the worst thing ever. I think crying is stupid. I feel like a jerk. I've been talking bad about my mom. I just don't want to be sad. But I don't think it's right for me to do that. Like I told Brenden once that if he wouldn't shut up I was goona put my mom's ashes on him. It was funny. But I totally insulted my mother in a way. So, I'm trying to be more nice.

-This week is the play. Phantom of the soap operea. 3 nights of performing. I'm excited and nervous. This is the first play that I've had more than 2 lines in. I'm practically in every scene. I'm so scared that I'm gonna mess up. But I'm excited to be on the stage again. Wheather singing or acting the stage needs me, I need it. So, I'm ready to be Lily Ponds, the ditzy secretary, in front of everybody.

- I've written a song this month. A SONG. ONE SONG! It's recockulous. I usually write at least 3 a month. Am I losing my touch? Have I found no inspiration? What is my purpose? I feel terrible about it. And now that I have my guitar...I should be writing more. BUT I HAVE NOT! I am ashamed. ha ha. Hopefully something will happen to me this month.

-My heart is confused. Boys are confusing. Life is confusing. What does it mean when a boy says,"you'll always have a place in my heart," kisses you on the head but does nothing else. He's just your friend. He flirts with a bunch of girls but you have a place in his heart. He likes you, but wants to remain friends. Maybe he just loves me, but isn't 'in love' with me. I'm fine with that. But yall, isn't that leading on. He is leading me on! I don't know what he is thinking. He cares. I understand. But I don't like to be lead on. Either he likes me or he doesn't. Dudes are confusing.

-In other news, I might be getting a cellphone for christmas. Finally. My dad is recockulous.

We're the new face of failure

Well, life sucks. My dad is a dick. He's been yelling at me for the stupidest things wrong. He got angry with me oncebecause i fed the cat wrong. >.> People, How do you feed a cat wrong?
OH! And he's been talking to me in a tone, a tone that's like,'you are stupid and worthless.'

So far I have $52 in change saved up for my run away fund.

If I don't run away and my dad pisses me off enough I might go live with my aunt in Arizona.
The only thing that's keeping me in Maryland is my friends. So If I do run away, I'll go live with a friend. >.>

Aint life grand? >.>

I'M A REBEL! kinda. lol.

TODAY! Was excellent.
It all started yesterday. Matti, Bryan, and Shane had the brilliant idea of skipping lunch tomorrow and going to donut connection. I was like,"I WANNA GO" and they were like,"Nikita, you are gonna chicken out...blah blah blah." and I was like,"Just you wait." Later that day I asked $10 from my dad....I laughed myself to sleep. ha ha ha. >.>
Day-October 3 2008. Time:11:20 or 25 . At the snack machines near the trophy cases...our meet up spot. First, Kevin arrives, then Shane, then Bryan."Nikita go to lunch, you are gonna wuss out," they say. I just laugh. Finally Matti arrives and we run out the front door into the parking lot. As we arrive to her car, there is a girl about to leave. Then she asked Matti if she could take a picture of us with Matti's car for the yearbook. "It can be an inside joke," she says. What a clever photographer.
So, we take the picture then put our junx in matti's trunk. And by then i was kinda freaking out. But I was like no...not gonna wuss out. So we got on the car(Matti driving, Bryan shot gun, Shane, me, and Kevin in the back and I had to get middle. >.>) and Matti put on some tunes and we departed. As we were driving Bryan says,"Oh gosh! I think that's my dad!" and he ducks. But...it wasn't. lol.
Finally we arrive at Donut Connection. They started making fun of me because I look younger than them cause supposively I'm 2 feet tall. w/e. >.> I'm like 5'3". Anyways, they made me go in first. We walk up to the counter and as we walked by a table this dude just gives us a funny look. w/e. So we go up and we decide on getting 2 dozen donuts. Matti pays and then I bought the drinks. We decided we had enough time to eat a couple there... so we did. We talked and wished we brought a camerea. lol. Shane now believes me that I wasn't going to wuss out.
Ten Minutes later we had to leave, so we piled into Matti's car once more. As we were driving we freaked out cause we passed a cop. But he didn't notice I guess. lol. When we arrived at school we sat in teh car for like 5 minutes trying to decide how to get back in. So, we went to the side door of the school, and went up stairs and sat on the stairs and ate donuts. =] But oh gosh, on the way in we passed Ms.Odell the Pe teacher. She said,"Hey! Donuts" and we were like,"yeah donuts" and she just kept walking. I almost pissed myself.
But yeah...we did it. They didn't call me a wuss, my breath smelt like donuts all day, and I had fun. I'm on top of the world! =]

Well, this week has sucked.

A friend has passed.
I don't have the nerve to tell a dude I just want to be friends.
I couldn't find rolling stones bag.
My aunt is getting a divorce.


so, hows your life hoebag?

I can't win

Is it possible for me to like a dude without my bestie betraying me?