I'm wearing a black dress to a white wedding.

-Well, October is over. I made it through another month. Even though No one reads my blogs(except one dude did) I'm gonna talk about what has happened.

-I'm being more open about my mom. I don't care if people ask me how she died or what she was like or how I feel. I don't care anymore. People shouldn't be scared to ask me. They are worried I'm gonna cry. But like I tell everybody, I don't cry. I despise crying. It's the worst thing ever. I think crying is stupid. I feel like a jerk. I've been talking bad about my mom. I just don't want to be sad. But I don't think it's right for me to do that. Like I told Brenden once that if he wouldn't shut up I was goona put my mom's ashes on him. It was funny. But I totally insulted my mother in a way. So, I'm trying to be more nice.

-This week is the play. Phantom of the soap operea. 3 nights of performing. I'm excited and nervous. This is the first play that I've had more than 2 lines in. I'm practically in every scene. I'm so scared that I'm gonna mess up. But I'm excited to be on the stage again. Wheather singing or acting the stage needs me, I need it. So, I'm ready to be Lily Ponds, the ditzy secretary, in front of everybody.

- I've written a song this month. A SONG. ONE SONG! It's recockulous. I usually write at least 3 a month. Am I losing my touch? Have I found no inspiration? What is my purpose? I feel terrible about it. And now that I have my guitar...I should be writing more. BUT I HAVE NOT! I am ashamed. ha ha. Hopefully something will happen to me this month.

-My heart is confused. Boys are confusing. Life is confusing. What does it mean when a boy says,"you'll always have a place in my heart," kisses you on the head but does nothing else. He's just your friend. He flirts with a bunch of girls but you have a place in his heart. He likes you, but wants to remain friends. Maybe he just loves me, but isn't 'in love' with me. I'm fine with that. But yall, isn't that leading on. He is leading me on! I don't know what he is thinking. He cares. I understand. But I don't like to be lead on. Either he likes me or he doesn't. Dudes are confusing.

-In other news, I might be getting a cellphone for christmas. Finally. My dad is recockulous.