I've finally realized.....

When my mother died I felt like a very great person was lost. But now that I'm growing up, I have a realized some flaws of my mother. I'm not saying she wasn't great. But there are some flaws in her parenting.

-I recall one time her calling me fat. I was really mad.

-When she was seeing Robert she acted like he was the only one important. Or that he was so wonderful, which he wasn't as I came to understand as I have been getting older.

-I think she was bulemic.

-She knew she had heart and lung problems, but yet she still smoked.

-I think she knew she was dying.

-She would get mad over the stupidest stuff.

-She trusted too many people and look what happen.

-She would say stuff at the wrong time. Or be too loud. (which is probably where I get it from)

Minus those flaws there was some things that were great.

-She loved

-She was artistic

-She smelled nice

-She believed I would be famous one day. And she enjoyed me singing.

-I miss her hugs.

-Most of all I miss her being here. =/

I might even be a rockstar! =]

I loved my dream last night. I was famous. And my album sold over a billions dollars. Thus, I was on stage looking out to the crowd. People screaming my name. I felt the nervousness, the excitement, the adrenaline I needed. The music starts and I'm singing and my fans are singing along. I felt good, like I was wanted. I moved like I never had before. A bright light shone in my eye. The spotlight...I soaked it in and breathed out success. But I woke up............


It was all just a dream sadly.