We're the new face of failure

Well, life sucks. My dad is a dick. He's been yelling at me for the stupidest things wrong. He got angry with me oncebecause i fed the cat wrong. >.> People, How do you feed a cat wrong?
OH! And he's been talking to me in a tone, a tone that's like,'you are stupid and worthless.'

So far I have $52 in change saved up for my run away fund.

If I don't run away and my dad pisses me off enough I might go live with my aunt in Arizona.
The only thing that's keeping me in Maryland is my friends. So If I do run away, I'll go live with a friend. >.>

Aint life grand? >.>

I'M A REBEL! kinda. lol.

TODAY! Was excellent.
It all started yesterday. Matti, Bryan, and Shane had the brilliant idea of skipping lunch tomorrow and going to donut connection. I was like,"I WANNA GO" and they were like,"Nikita, you are gonna chicken out...blah blah blah." and I was like,"Just you wait." Later that day I asked $10 from my dad....I laughed myself to sleep. ha ha ha. >.>
Day-October 3 2008. Time:11:20 or 25 . At the snack machines near the trophy cases...our meet up spot. First, Kevin arrives, then Shane, then Bryan."Nikita go to lunch, you are gonna wuss out," they say. I just laugh. Finally Matti arrives and we run out the front door into the parking lot. As we arrive to her car, there is a girl about to leave. Then she asked Matti if she could take a picture of us with Matti's car for the yearbook. "It can be an inside joke," she says. What a clever photographer.
So, we take the picture then put our junx in matti's trunk. And by then i was kinda freaking out. But I was like no...not gonna wuss out. So we got on the car(Matti driving, Bryan shot gun, Shane, me, and Kevin in the back and I had to get middle. >.>) and Matti put on some tunes and we departed. As we were driving Bryan says,"Oh gosh! I think that's my dad!" and he ducks. But...it wasn't. lol.
Finally we arrive at Donut Connection. They started making fun of me because I look younger than them cause supposively I'm 2 feet tall. w/e. >.> I'm like 5'3". Anyways, they made me go in first. We walk up to the counter and as we walked by a table this dude just gives us a funny look. w/e. So we go up and we decide on getting 2 dozen donuts. Matti pays and then I bought the drinks. We decided we had enough time to eat a couple there... so we did. We talked and wished we brought a camerea. lol. Shane now believes me that I wasn't going to wuss out.
Ten Minutes later we had to leave, so we piled into Matti's car once more. As we were driving we freaked out cause we passed a cop. But he didn't notice I guess. lol. When we arrived at school we sat in teh car for like 5 minutes trying to decide how to get back in. So, we went to the side door of the school, and went up stairs and sat on the stairs and ate donuts. =] But oh gosh, on the way in we passed Ms.Odell the Pe teacher. She said,"Hey! Donuts" and we were like,"yeah donuts" and she just kept walking. I almost pissed myself.
But yeah...we did it. They didn't call me a wuss, my breath smelt like donuts all day, and I had fun. I'm on top of the world! =]

Well, this week has sucked.

A friend has passed.
I don't have the nerve to tell a dude I just want to be friends.
I couldn't find rolling stones bag.
My aunt is getting a divorce.


so, hows your life hoebag?

I can't win

Is it possible for me to like a dude without my bestie betraying me?

the sigh of stress

I have been feeling depressed lately.

But I keep telling myself to not let it show.

And it bugs me because I should just let people know.

I'm a loser...

I can't do anything right.

I forgot to make my dad's bed that my friend slept in (since my dad and sister were gone) and my dad got mad about it.

The basement freezer door thing ended up not closing all the way.

I accidently told my grandmom i didnt go to New York(long story short, i didnt want to go to pennsylvania so i told my grandmom i was going to new york).

I've gained 3 pounds.

I can't get a boyfriend.

I have a blabber mouth.

I am in the dead mothers club.....

basically...I am a loser. A fat, ugly, half orphan loser.

the impossible

I don't, I don't wanna be the girl who has everything
I just, I just wanna be the girl who knows what's right
I don't think it's right for me to hide my feelings
I just want to reach out to the crowd, the crowd
and maybe they will be catch me when i fall


I wanna touch the stars, I wanna fly to the moon, i wanna do the impossible
I wanna live my dreams, I wanna do everything, i wanna do the impossible
and i don't care what you say, I'm just gonna be me
cause i am, I'm the impossible


I don't, I don't wanna be the girl who brings her self down
I just, I just wanna be the girl on the stage
I don't think it;s right for you to walk away
I just want you to listen, to listen
and maybe you will listen to my song


I wanna touch the stars, I wanna fly to the moon, i wanna do the impossible
I wanna live my dreams, i wanna do everything, i wanna do the impossible
and i don't care what you say, I'm just gonna be me
cause i am, I'm the impossible


maybe when i finish the impossible, the impossible
I can do, do it again. yeah yeah.


I wanna touch the stars, I wanna fly to you.....but
I wanna touch the stars, I wanna fly to the moons, I wanna do the impossible
I wanna live my dreams, I wanna do everything, I wanna do the impossible
and I don't care what you say, I'm just gonna be me
Cause I am, I'm the impossible